A RECAP ON MY 20TH YEAR OF LIFE

To end my last night as a 20 year old, I thought it'd be nice to skim through my journals and write out a few key takeaways that have helped me through these last 365 days. 

1. Conquering fear is not a one time event, but an everyday battle. Keep praying, keep fighting, and don't shrink back.
2. Who you are is just as important as what you do
3. If God changes your heart, be willing to change your plans 
4. The key to gaining peace from God is full surrender. Letting go of your want to control, and trusting God completely. You may not see the importance of why things are happening, but God wants to see that you trust Him. Instead of holding on to your fear, doubt and insecurities, surrender. 
5. "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives." Francis Chan
6. It doesn't matter what you did, but what you're doing. Stop looking at your progress as a reason to take a break. 
7. Don't shrink back. Do it afraid. 
8. If it pulls you away from God, then it needs to go
9. Spiritual awareness is important 
10. Never get to a place where you start to take on a prideful attitude. Always remember that the wisdom you have comes from God. It's Him not you. 
11. Many people have the capacity to be great, but lack the courage
12. The best way to remain humble is to never get impressed with yourself. 
13. In order for God to show Himself strong in your life, you have to trust Him with a first step
14. The only way to fix a problem is to face it.
15. Fear is to satan what faith is to God
16. When you point the finger at others, there are always 3 fingers pointing back at you
17. Motivation gets you going...discipline keeps you growing
18. Nothing ever goes away until it teaches you what you need to know 
19. God is not concerned with what you can do. He just wants you to be open so that He live through you (ayeeeee..that rhymes). 
20.  Whatever you don't feed will die
21. Stop micromanaging the seeds that God gave you to plant in people. Trust and allow Him to make them grow
22. Keep your motives in check
23. Begin with the end in mind
24. It's not about what you can get, but what you can give
25. Follow God even when you can't see the whole picture 
26. If you operate out of will power, you will eventually run out of power, but if you operate out of God's power, you'll overcome
27. Success is not based on outcome, but on obedience to God

As I sit and reflect on my last night of being at the halfway point of 40, I realize that things have changed drastically in the last 365 days. Rewind back to a year ago, and I would’ve never imagined myself to be at the place that I am now. If I had to select one thing that I’m taking away from my 20^th year of life, it would be to Trust God. Simple and cliche, I know, but this year has has taught me a lot of different things that relate back to that statement. Cheers to reaching the halfway point of 42. I can't wait to see the next steps of where God is taking me. 

FINISH THE RACE

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted anything, but Happy New Year!! Life is good, and I'm happy to be alive. I apologize for not posting during these last few weeks, but I'm coming out of a 21 day fast, and I stepped away for a while. It was time to recharge, and really listen for God's voice to gain clarity on some things in my life, and I did. This was my first time ACTUALLY fasting and giving up foods that have a special place in my heart for more than a day. I'm a BIG fan, well actually I might be addicted to Qdoba's three cheese vegetarian nachos, along with pizza, and for 21 days, I told myself no in order to get closer to God. I cut out meat (this wasn't hard because I'm a pescetarian), dairy, sweets, bread, fried foods and pasta. Also, I didn't eat until 3 pm each day. Somedays I just ate this homemade organic peanut butter stuff, cashews, fruit, and Oats & Honey KIND bars (these are the bomb.com...see picture). They're gluten free, and are also made with NON-GMO Ingredients. Yay for food that isn't toxic!! You can find them at Kroger.

MMMHHMMM SO GOOD.

 As I reflect during these last few days of this fast, there were a lot of questions that I asked God, along with a lot of things that He showed me. It's so great to be intentional and really make an effort to put aside distractions like social media and tv; open up your bible more, pray more, and sit and listen for God's voice. I got a chance to reflect and ask God to help me get down to root of who I am, along with show me the good, the bad and the ugly that I might not be able to see within myself. 

On the fourth day of my journey, a famous quote popped into my mind after I caved and ate a family sized bag of kettle corn in one sitting...

 "It's not how you start that matters, but how you finish." 

 While I don't believe this applies to everything, I really believe it applies to life. Many people have the idea engraved into their minds that their life is like a 100m dash. If you start poorly in this race, you really don't have time to redeem yourself (unless you're Usain Bolt), and your bad start really weighs heavily on how you finish. 

But life isn't like this at all. Especially when you find Jesus. 

I can laugh at it now, but I felt horrible after I ate that popcorn. Just like we should feel when we sin. But I didn't allow that to trigger more bad behavior. I recognized that I messed up, I repented, and then I finished the journey. I didn't sit there and wallow in the fact that I had made a mistake, but I shifted to what the other 17 days were going to look like. I created goals, and went from there. Yes, you may make mistakes in life, but who doesn't? Get out of the mindset that your life is a 100m dash. We all fall short of God's standard along with the different goals we set for ourselves, but when you mess up, don't lie there and meditate on your mistakes. Get up and finish. If a person trips on the track during a 3200m run on their first lap, they still have 7 more laps to redeem themselves. If they focus on that fall for the rest of the race and allow defeat to creep into their mind, they won't do well. On the other hand, if they focus on getting back up and doing everything they can to recover lost time, they just might do it. So many times we fall down on the track of life and feel defeated. Instead of getting back up, we lie there allowing others to trample over us as they run by. 

 Philippians 4:8 says:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 

Notice the scripture doesn't say "if there be any failure, and if there be any mistakes, think on these things," because focusing on our failure will never help us move forward. Once you recognize your slip up, it's important to take action right away. If you've come out of an old habit, or set a goal for yourself, it's necessary to evaluate your behavior and ask yourself if it's pushing you closer to where you want to be. One of my goals for 2014 is to become more disciplined. To get up and do my homework when I have the energy instead of waiting until the last minute when I'm burnt out. Each morning, I do my best to write out a list of goals for myself. Before I go to sleep, I reflect and write down the good things along with the bad. If you don't hold yourself accountable, who will? Goals don't accomplish themselves.

Your mess ups, along with failures, can be a hard thing to deal with, but understand that it's apart of your growing process. Understand that there are people waiting on you to get back up and ask God to help you make a change for the better. No, it won't be instant, and yes, you'll make mistakes, but small steps are better than no steps. Failure is better than not trying at all, and God wants to use all of your mess to help someone else. So when you fall down on this track of life, make sure you don't lie there for too long. Look to God and dwell on the fact that He forgives, and while you may feel unworthy, He still wants to love you with an unconditional love no matter how many times you find yourself coming up short. 

2013 IN A NUTSHELL

I'm in shock that 2013 is already over! It seems like the older I get, the faster life zooms by. I just wish time would slow down! Anyways...this year has been one of the best years of my life. Here are some highlights!

I discovered The Pinky Promise Movement
If you haven't heard of it, I encourage you to click on this link and check it out now!! Heather Lindsey is the founder, and I'm thankful for the strong impact that she's had on me. Although I don't know her personally, her books, and her blog are some of the things that triggered the start of where I am today. Check out her website here

I started going to Victorious Believers Ministries (VBM)
This is the church I attend while I'm away at school!! If these highlights were in any specific order, this would probably be number 1!! I truly believe that God led me to this place for so many reasons, and I'm so thankful for all of the great things that I've experienced here. I've really learned/ grown a lot from the teaching, and have also come across some pretty great people too. I'm so thankful that God led me somewhere that pushes me closer to who He's called me to be, especially while I'm away at school. I feel so blessed :)

I started a youth group at my church back home 
Talk about a step outside of my comfort zone, this was a leap for me. It was around April that God placed this on my heart, and I'm so happy that I was obedient to His instruction. I can remember being at church, and receiving conformation for something I'd been praying about, and from that moment on, my heart was set on doing whatever God had for me to do. I had always struggled with speech apprehension, and so it was a big step for me to do something like this. Looking back, it was very difficult to push past my fear, but if I hadn't, I wouldn't be able to help others understand what God has shown me. I was responsible for coming up with the things I taught on, and because of this, I was able to get an understanding for myself. The biggest thing I learned throughout this process is that our obedience is always the piece to someone else's puzzle. I'm thankful that this has played a HUGE role in where I am today.

Some ran off before we could get a picture, but here's the majority :)

My job as an RA
Although this past semester was one of the hardest semesters I've ever had, my residents are one of the things that made it worth it. I was originally hired in a different building, but I ended up moving because there weren't enough people that signed up for housing. To be honest I cried when I found out I was being relocated, but now I can't imagine myself anywhere else. It's a great job that's allowed me to find out more about myself, and interact with so many great people. Cheers to a great semester with the best residents, staff, and boss anyone could ask for :) #CelFabFam

My wonderful Staff <3 

My friends 
This is another one of my biggest highlights because my friends have been one of Gods GREATEST blessings to me. Growing up, I never felt like I had anyone that I could relate to on a spiritual level, and because this was such a big part of my life, it was hard for me to feel connected with others when they didn't believe the same way that I did. My close friendships would last for about a year at a time, and I never understood why. It was always hard for me to talk about God with people who weren't traveling down the same path because I never felt like they understood. It bothered me sometimes, but I had reached a point where I was used to it. I had always wondered what it'd be like to have a friend I could talk to about anything, spiritual or not,  but now I don't have to wonder. I'm so thankful for the godly friendships I've established this year! It's been such a great blessing to have people who can pray with and for you because up until this year, I never had that in a friend. I'm so thankful that after 20 years, God has blessed me with some amazing friendships that I pray will last a lifetime

I changed my major
Last but not least, a change in the RIGHT direction. I got a lot of different reactions when I told people I was changing my major, and some of them weren't very nice ones. Most people were very supportive, including my parents, but there were a select few that said discouraging things. Before I switched, I was studying interior design, but I now thank God for FREEDOM. I know, I know...Interior Design sounds so fun....but it's not. It's death along with torture, especially if you're not a detailed orientated person. That makes it 8475984375 times worse. I pulled probably over 15 all nighters this semester (I'm not exaggerating), and I looked like a zombie 70% of the time. It required a lot of time that I didn't enjoy giving, and as a result, I changed directions. I now study Communications. I love to help people, and impact them in a positive way, so I think this is a better step towards what God has in store for my life. :)

Heel clicks on my way to recycle all of my interior design things. Hip hip hooray! 

#DefeatingTheHuns

Overall, I think the best word to describe my year would be growth. Looking back at myself a year ago, I was kind of a hot mess. God has truly repaired what was broken, and given me a new life of freedom in Him. I'm so thankful for the place that I was in, along with the place that I'm in now. It's truly a blessing when you think about how good God has been to you when you don't deserve it. Cheers to the year that my that life really began. Peace out 2013!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :) 

MOVING FORWARD AND LETTING GO.

There are so many people out there struggling to move forward and leave their past behind. Whether it's a bad habit, or an unhealthy relationship, it's never easy to leave the things you're used to and start again. I struggled with moving forward for a while, but can truly say that it's worth the journey. In order to reach the place that God has for you, you HAVE to be honest with yourself. It's necessary that you evaluate who and what you've allowed in your life, and determine if they're pushing you closer to God, or pulling you away. Just like trees have to let go of their leaves when the seasons change, we have to let go of some of the things we're attached to when we're changing. Roots of jealousy, unforgiveness, fear, or worry cannot remain in our lives if we want to develop into the person God has created us to be. Mark 9:43 says:

43 If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. [44] [a] 45 And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. [46] [b] 47 And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell, 48 where“‘the worms that eat them do not die, and the fire is not quenched.’[c].

So many times I come across people who say they're Christians, but live life to please their sinful selves. Instead of allowing God to shape their mentalities, they leave it to their friends, music, and whatever else to determine what's right and wrong. They don't read their bibles, or make an intentional effort to stay close to God, and as a result, they're blown around like the wind when their faith is tested. There's a song that sings "If your soul's not anchored in Jesus, you will SURELY drift away," and it's so true. If you have people or things in your life that are constantly leading you to sin, the bible tells us to cut them off. It's better for you to enter into the kingdom of God with no friends, than have 100 friends and be thrown into hell. Things start to get difficult when you have let go and move forward, but trust that whenever God asks you to do something hard, it's only going to make things better. 

 There have been plenty of times in my life, that instead of getting rid of toxic people, I took a break from them. I kept the door open just in case things miraculously changed, and because of this, it made it very easy to go back when opportunities presented themselves. Instead of being honest with myself and looking at the big picture, I kept my eyes on how I felt instead of focusing on how God felt. I continued to feed relationships when they should've been dying, and because of this, I wasn't even close to becoming the person God had called me to be. I had to understand that if I kept turning around, I would never move forward. I realized that the freedom God offered was free, but I HAD to put in effort to maintain it. It's just like with weight loss. A person has to stay close to the things that push them towards their goal in order to maintain their progress. It doesn't matter how much weight they lose, if they neglect their good habits, they'll end up right back where they started. In the same way, it's not enough to just seek God on the occasion that you're struggling, but it has to be a constant effort. It's the enemy's job to distract you from your purpose, and when you don't spend time with God, it ALWAYS leaves room for him to get his foot in the door of your life. Your freedom is free, but you MUST put in effort to maintain it. The bible says RESIST the devil and he will flee (James 4:7), so when he speaks to you, it's your job to shut him up. Breakthrough doesn't come when you entertain the enemy's thoughts, but when you fight back. Once you make the decision to be done with the things that pull you down, you have to stand your ground. God has given us His word as a weapon, and it's during those times of temptation that we're supposed to use it. That's why knowing scripture is so important. Learn it, fight back, and watch God back up what He says. He is a healer, and a deliverer, and if you call on Him, He will never leave you empty. He will ALWAYS be there during difficult times, to pick you up when you've fallen.   

My hard times were what pushed me closer to God, and without them, I don't think I'd be where I am today. When you're struggling, and wonder why things are happening, just remember that ALL things work together for your good (Romans 8:28). You may not understand it now, but God will reveal it in the future, and you'll be blown away. My obedience has been the piece to so many people's puzzles, and often times I ask myself "If I wouldn't have trusted God, what would my life look like?" Realize that times will get tough when you're in the process of moving forward, but God needs your obedience so that He can use you. One of my favorite quotes by Joyce Meyer says "Whenever God asks you to do something hard, it's only going to make things better," and I promise it's true. Make an intentional effort to become who you were created to be, and you'll set the world on fire. 

Have a great week, beautiful people :) 

HIDING BEHIND A TITLE

I can’t remember the exact moment that things sparked in my head, and God became really REAL to me, but the journey of a relationship with Him has been life changing. During this past year I’ve grown more into who He's called me to be, and I feel so fulfilled. Life hasn't been all smiles and rainbows through the process, but each part of my life continues to prepare me for the next. If I had to tell you one of the most important things that I’ve learned, it would be that God wants consistency. He wants a REAL authentic relationship with us in which we KNOW Him for ourselves.  Hosea 6:6 says "I want you to show love not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings." 

If I take a look back at my old self, I often said that I loved God, but my actions didn’t prove it. I didn’t spend consistent quality time, nor did I truly know Him for myself. Because of this, my “faith” was just a title. When we tell people that we love them we usually have a strong relationship with them, but when I told God that I loved Him, I'm not sure if my relationship with Him even existed? Did I view God as God, or did I just call on Him in times of desperation? Had I taken the time out to really get to know Him for who He was, or was I just hiding behind a title that had good associated with it? If those of us who say we love God, took our actions from our relationship with Him, and gave that same amount of time, effort and energy to another person in our life, how strong would that relationship be? Would we know much about them? Would they know much about us? Would we even be able to call them a friend, or would we just hear about them from others? It takes a lot more than just talk to build a relationship with God, and if you aren't spending time with Him, how can you expect to know who He is? If you haven't taken the time out to learn His word, and get close to Him, how do you expect to hear His voice? If you aren't feeding your relationship with God, how do you expect it to survive during times of difficulty?

Often times people enter into relationships with the intent to take rather than to give. They expect to enjoy the benefits of a strong relationship without investing anything into it. It doesn't matter how much one person pours into a relationship, if both people aren't making an effort to keep it alive, it will never survive. Many people recognize this as common sense in a natural way, but have never taken the same concept and applied it spiritually. In order to maintain a healthy relationship with God, we have to put in time, effort, and be consistent. We cannot get comfortable with the statement that we love God, and our actions don't follow. We must be intentional in making Him our first priority so that our foundation remains solid. If God is not FIRST in our lives, we'll continue to find ourselves at rock bottom. If we place our trust in people, material things, or anything else that is temporary, we will ALWAYS come up short. Things might seem good at first, but they will eventually fail if God is not our number one priority. 

This time last year, I can look back and remember depending on people for my happiness. There were days that I was down because I allowed people's actions to dictate my feelings. I had gone through a loss of a friendship/unhealthy emotional attachment, and I felt empty on the inside. I had allowed that person to take the place that God was supposed to have in my heart, and I looked to them to feel complete. Instead of God being my God, this person had become my god, and I didn't even realize it. Instead of reading my bible and taking the time to break it down, I would stay up late texting until I fell asleep. I had pushed God to the back of my mind, so that I could make room for the very thing that had pulled me away from Him. One day I was up, and the next I was down, and I think the biggest thing that I was missing out on is that Jesus was/is the ONLY one who can satisfy me. When I built my foundation on people, and they failed me, my steady ground suddenly became an earthquake. Slowly but surely, I found myself at rock bottom. It wasn't until I got on my knees and got honest with God that He turned my life around. It was then that I realized that He wanted something real.

This week, I challenge you to think about your relationship with God. Is it just a title, or are you really striving to know Him? So many people walk around with the label of a Christian on the outside, but are torn apart and broken on the inside. They don't depend on God for all of their needs, and as a result, depression, confusion, addiction, and all of these other things start to take part in their lives. Instead of having a Godly focus, they let the cares of this world overtake them, and as a result, their joy is stolen. They haven't set their minds on things above, and because of this, they become distracted. In order to have a healthy relationship, whether natural or spiritual, you have to put in effort. You have to spend time, communicate, share your likes and dislikes, etc., and it's the same with God. You HAVE TO spend time in prayer. You HAVE TO spend time reading your bible, and not only that, but you HAVE TO process it too. It's not enough just to skim over the pages at the end of your day when you're exhausted (I'm guilty of this), but God wants sincerity. He wants to spend QUALITY time with us, but we have to give it to Him. 

When God sees your effort, especially when you don't "feel" like it, He won't leave you there alone. If you have trouble breaking things down, or find the bible hard to understand, download the bible app and find a version that works for you. Personally, I started with the New Century Version (NCV), and now read from the New International Version (NIV). Make it a goal of yours for the next 21 days to make it a habit to spend time with God daily. Give Him first priority and watch your life start to turn around.